Are you okay? Never stop asking

As Murrumbidgee Primary Health Network’s (MPHN) Suicide Prevention Project Officer, Seryn Adams knows better than most that everybody’s experience with mental health challenges is different and help can take many forms. Seryn’s own story involves her Mum, a lengthy phone call, and three very important words.

In her day job, Seryn Adams is responsible for coordinating suicide prevention strategies across the Murrumbidgee. After hours, she volunteers as a Mates4Harness Ambassador and an R U OK? Community Ambassador. It’s all purposeful work, with deep personal significance for Seryn, whose lived experience continues to inspire her to make a difference.

“I love that my job incorporates my passion and I'm able to help others. Being there to show compassion, share my story and to help educate people and reduce the stigma around mental illness gives me a great sense of purpose.

“And I love the R U OK? message because I know the difference it made to me. That question, those three little words, saved my life.”

When Seryn was 19, she faced particularly tough times. She had moved away from family and was in a less than ideal relationship. Without supports around her, she became isolated.

“For about three months I was thinking about suicide every day. I was in a really dark place.

“When I started having suicidal ideations, it was scary. I didn't know how to manage it and I was trying to deal with it by myself. You never want to disappoint your family or tell them you're struggling, so you pretend like everything's okay. But it got to a point where I couldn't deal with it on my own.”

Seryn and her mum Sue have always been close, so when their daily conversations became less routine, Sue sensed something wasn’t right and persisted with checking in until Seryn eventually opened up.

“I remember lying in bed and I just couldn't get up. I felt like I had weights on my limbs and an elephant on my chest. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, and it felt like if I did, I'd be sick. Mum rang me. I didn't answer. She rang me again and I didn't answer. Then she rang me again. And this time I answered. She said, ‘What's going on? ‘Are you okay?’ She'd asked me that many times before and I'd covered it up, but in that moment, I recognised I needed help. I said, ‘I'm really not okay. I'm thinking about suicide.’”

Acting immediately, Sue first called a counsellor and then called Seryn back, staying on the phone for the next two hours and talking her through the steps to get out of bed and to her appointment to ensure she stayed safe.

Three types of people

Almost a decade later, Seryn is in a vastly different place.

Seryn has gone from living away from family, feeling socially isolated and working in broadcasting in the city, to starting her own family, working in mental health, and moving to the Murrumbidgee town of Young. In April 2022, State Member for Cootamundra Steph Cooke announced Seryn as the Cootamundra Electorate Community Woman of the Year in recognition of her efforts in mental health and suicide prevention. While Seryn is doing well, her mental health journey is ongoing.

“At the moment, I'm in a great place. I have a wonderful partner and family, and a great support system. But mental health is something I'll manage for the rest of my life. For me, it’s just an illness I manage day-to-day. I know there are going to be times when I feel down, and I need to recognise the signs and amp up my self-care and ask for help if I need.”

Seryn insists she wouldn’t be where she is today without her mother’s intuition, but she has come to understand not everyone can offer support in this way.

“With Mum, it was pure instinct. She hadn't been trained. She just knew she wanted to keep me safe, and if she kept me talking on the phone, I would be.”

“Now I work in the field, I know how important it is to support someone through those practical stages, keeping them safe. And that's exactly what Mum did. She saved my life.

“There’s been many different people along my journey in addition to mum, and they generally fall into three groups. The first are people who are quite judgmental, like those close to me who said things like ‘take a teaspoon of cement and toughen up’ or ‘just get over it’. It’s never helpful to say that to someone. If we could, we would.

“The second group didn't understand what I was going through, but still supported me, even though I have different experiences to them. My Dad is one of these. He didn't really understand what I was going through but continued to support and love me.

“And then there's the third group. These people change your life. They may have had their own experience, or they may just have the instincts or the compassion to be able to support you. My mum was that person for me.”

Importance of reaching in

Working in suicide prevention, Seryn educates people around how to help others dealing with mental health challenges and says the best thing anyone can do is ‘reach in’.

“People say if you're experiencing tough times, reach out and get support. But when I was in my darkest days, it wasn't an option. It felt impossible to pick up the phone. That’s why it’s so important for others to reach in. I say, be willing to ask the question, ‘Are you okay?’ and never stop asking that question.

“People have this fear they're intruding or it's not their place. It can be difficult to know how to support someone who's struggling, but you don't have to have all the answers. Just being willing to listen without judgement is so important. If you're genuine about it, you can't go wrong.

“Just trust your gut instinct. If you're worried about someone, ask the question.”

The Australian Government resource Head to Health has digital mental health and wellbeing resources, for yourself or for someone you care about – visit headtohealth.gov.au.

 Anyone who is experiencing a mental health emergency (themselves or others) should call Mental Health Line 1800 011 511, Lifeline 13 11 14 or call 000.