A life of courage and coping

For many people, it’s hard to image what it’s like to live in a refugee camp. It’s even harder to imagine life in a war zone. But for Constance Okot, war was the backdrop to her childhood and she spent more than a decade in an overcrowded and prison-like refugee camp in Kenya. Constance has experienced and witnessed unspeakable acts and survived against the odds. Her inspiring resilience and courage have helped her face the ongoing emotional and mental health issues she still battles 15 years after finding refuge in Wagga Wagga.

Battle to survive

When civil war broke out in South Sudan in 1983, it wasn’t the first time Constance and her family had seen conflict. Her parents were forced to flee their homeland of South Sudan in 1956, seeking refuge in Kenya where Constance was born. And when she was just a young girl, they returned to South Sudan to avoid the fighting in Kenya and secure a more peaceful life. But before long, conflict was once again upon them as civil war took hold. For the next decade, Constance lived in a war zone. Surviving each day was her sole focus. Eventually, Constance and her family fled South Sudan for a refugee camp in Kenya where she spent the next 10 years.

“In the war, the only thing you know is if you survive. There's a lot of times when you think you are going to die – I was captured. I was beaten. A lot of things happened to me in the war. I forgot which year we are in, which month, which week, which day. Everything is deleted. You just see if you are alive each day.

“When we came to the refugee camp, I had even forgotten my name. In the camp, we were just like in a cage. You are not allowed to go out, there’s no school. It is very congested. Some people treat you very bad and it is not good. Ten years in a refugee camp is like forever!”

Finding refuge

In January 2005, Constance, her husband, six children and niece were granted refugee status in Australia, marking the beginning of a whole new set of challenges to face. 

“I was happy with Wagga but when we reached here, it was Australia Day and nobody told us about the fireworks. I knew fireworks when I was a little girl but had forgotten all about it. We stayed under the bed all night – we couldn’t sleep, we thought people were fighting.

“Still now, even though I know it is fireworks, in my mind it’s gunshot because in the war it is only guns.”

Adjusting to life here has not been easy for Constance.

“When you come here, you find people are just going on with their daily life. But in your mind, a lot of things are going on. You get scared.

“You start thinking, ‘What really happened? Why did I come here? Why did I make this decision? I'm in the middle of nowhere, my neighbours don’t talk to me.’ You start thinking about your family, your friends. Everything. And that is when the trauma comes.”

For years now, Constance has been coping with the physical and mental health fallout of war and life in a refugee camp. She has been very open about her journey with depression, agreeing to be the subject of a two documentaries (Constance on the Edge and I’ll Call Australia Home) that followed her life as she adjusted to living in regional NSW and explored some of the issues around her own mental health, and those of her oldest son, James.

Part of Constance’s desire to take part in the documentaries was to talk about issues that are not well understood.

“I decided to do the first documentary, I’ll Call Australia Home, because of the depression and the mental health problem. In our culture, most of our people don’t know about mental health – we don’t even have a language of depression. Nobody knows depression because depression or mental health is not a broken arm, broken leg or a headache or stomach ache.

“When I get depression here, when I told people, they think that I'm insane, I've run mad. They say, ‘Why are you depressed? You have children, all your children are here. Food is enough, no war. You have a house. Why are you getting depressed?’

“And that is true, because when in the war I didn’t feel anything. But when I reach here, that is when the depression started. And I start feeling all these pains all over my body. Fake pain, that I feel is real but it is not, it is something which I should have felt long ago but I didn't.

“But slowly, slowly with medication and just taking the view that this place was very painful and I have to leave it behind, then I start feeling better.

“After doing these documentaries, I can see a lot of people working out an awareness of mental health. They hear it. Now I know they understand.”

Learning to heal

For others dealing with depression and mental health issues, Constance has this advice:

“First of all, you have to accept that you are having a problem with your mental health. Just accept what you have and learn more about how to help yourself. Read other people's stories, go to the counsellor. You have to read.

“I read a lot. I read and I write. I have a book which I wrote when I was very sick. Now, every day when I wake up, I write how I'm feeling. It is like you are talking to yourself. You think differently when you are sick than when you are not sick and mental health is not that you are sick every day. So, when you are not sick, you are not emotionally depressed or angry or having any anxiety, then go back and read your thing. It is like you are now talking to somebody else when you read it. And sometimes you write good things, and those are the things which give me strength.

“Mental health is something very complicated, it is very painful. You have to look after yourself.”

Note: Constance is a proud mother to six children and grandmother to one. She has also been reunited with her family. Her mother lives in a refugee camp in Uganda with one brother and sister. Two other brothers now live in America. Another sister lives in Adelaide, and another brother has since moved to Wagga Wagga. Her son is getting help for his mental health issues and Constance has been right by his side throughout his journey. Constance on the Edge premiered in Wagga Wagga in June 2016 (https://constanceontheedge.com/) and I’ll Call Australia Home screened on SBS in September 2006.

To access local support services please call our Central Access and Navigation team on 1800 931 603 or email can@mphn.org.au. This is not an emergency or crisis service and is available during the business hours of Monday to Friday between 9am and 5pm. For more information on local services click here.

The Australian Government resource Head to Health has digital mental health and wellbeing resources, for you or someone you care about – visit headtohealth.gov.au.

Anyone who is experiencing a mental health emergency (themselves or others) should call Mental Health Line 1800 011 511, Lifeline 13 11 14 or call 000.